When I first started my blog I promised everyone that I would write about my highs and lows. Today, I am going to write about the things that I miss.
Apart from the obvious – talking and walking – I miss hugging my family. A good hug is taken for granted; I miss the heartwarming feeling I get when I squeeze them. You never realize how precious some things are in life till you can’t have them.
I miss eating popcorn, it used to be my favorite snack of all time, but now it’s a dangerous choking hazard for me. One time Karim tried to make popcorn then crush it in the food processor for me, ha ha, bless him, great idea but the taste was not the same – the crunch under my teeth, bursting the flavor in to my mouth was missing.
I miss reading, It used to be my relaxation technique and my way to gradually fall asleep at night. So Zeid introduced me to audiobooks. Now I listen to books faster than most people can read! Ha ha. I am always on lookout for a good book, so please feel free to recommend a good book any time!
I miss kissing my children, so Faisal makes sure to press his cheeks on my lips to remind me how sweet they taste. Since I cannot purse my lips anymore for a kiss, that is the closest feeling to a kiss these days. I love it when Faisal does that.
I miss exercising, I used to be one of the very first people in our area to practise soul cycling (we used to call it spinning classes back in 2003). It was a very intense workout with great music, and a lot of fun! It’s a great way to release all your negativity, tension and aggression, and replace it with a cheerful mood.
I miss eating a simple hamburger, a small hot dog, or even a juicy shawarma remembering how its juices dripped onto my hands. Some meals are finger licking good, but unfortunately I am unable to enjoy some of them; I cannot hold, bite, or swallow these meaty meals now.
I miss speaking in Arabic, all my speech is done through my Eyegaze computer (Diva), which only speaks in English. There is a lot I want to say in certain occasions, like a certain Arabic saying or phrase, but unfortunately it just has to remain swimming inside my head with no escape; it’s frustrating at times.
I miss driving – I used to love the freedom of getting in my car, music playing full blast, and I would sing along to my favorite songs, like Nancy Ajram or Celine Dion, while driving myself to work. Speaking of singing, oh how I miss singing to my favorite songs, or dancing – Marwan and I used to be the first and last ones on the dance floor at parties!
Having said all this, and despite all the things I miss, I remain thankful, and truly grateful to be alive and available to see my children progress and succeed in their life. I hear from them what things taste like, or what things feel or look like. I see the world through their eyes.